Songs To Feel Down To

by derek millner

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It's not easy. Nothing really is. I find myself constantly stuck between feeling like I want a home and chaos and at this point, I do, but I'm surrounded by chaos and home and I don't know what I want.

It's a mirror, art and life, you never get a choice and I'm riding the wave as heavy as I possibly can because I don't get a choice. None of us do. But in that moment, where we're thrown against the wall and forced to pick up the contents of our pockets and make it fucking work, we are truly alone, starving, but so alive.

Our abilities of survival, our abilities of dealing with our Sisyphus lifestyles, that's what make us who we are. This is who I am. This is the cloak of my moniker, how close it is to my real name, how obvious it all is. It's running through the same vein.

But, please, don't take yourselves too seriously. Otherwise, you would've overdosed years ago.

I love y'all. Stay independent.


released July 7, 2017

Everyone in my life. Everyone I talk to daily. You know who you are.



all rights reserved
Track Name: Alluring
take take take your arms away from me
and place place place your legs in front of me
there's no place that i would rather be than in between

your hot red breath sends tequila through my blood
i'm drunk drunk drunk off this thing that we call love
it's so much fun as the air escapes your lungs

pull my hair and spit into my mouth
push the pain until our good luck turns south

you're stretching out in that tomb you call a bed
there's no escape from those thoughts inside your head
this sweet relief won't get you any closer to your death

don't look at me, i am not your opportunity
to feel like you deserve to be loved
this hair, this skin, is full of lures that draw you in
but i know that my words are not enough to keep you here
Track Name: Riot
i'll be staying alive for every corrupt cop
with a crooked grin who takes a stroll right down my street.
his hand is on the trigger
and my thoughts are getting darker
and i'm looking for some peace of mind
for just one night.

i'll be staging a riot for every violent thought.
for everything i wish i had that i could give to you,
but i'm broke like a record and
i repeat like a record
'can i get a witness for what i put you through,
if that's alright?'

addict in my bones and that's alright.
sleeping comatose and feeling fine.
guilty as a convict whose been paid to take the fall
but i'll take it on.
Track Name: Daddy
daddy i have been drinking again
take the bottle from my lips
daddy i cant be forgiven
of his eyes and his lips

you told me there was nothing to do
when the body's in demise and you haven't a clue
you told me there was nothing to do but die

all your money wont do no good
when you're lying on the ground
heaving up chunks of what you could (do)
your moaning dont make a sound

you old me there was nothing to say
when the body's in demise and you gotta look sane
you told me there was nothing to do but die
Track Name: Oh Losers, My Losers
oh losers, my losers, please drop me a line
oh losers, oh losers, just give me a sign
i don't have no interest and i don't have the time
i gotta wake up for work in the morning

oh comrades, my good friends, i'm trying my best
oh comrades, oh good friends, to get out of bed
i'm not even tired, i'm just depressed
i got a shit load of things in my head

my darling, my sweetheart, i don't have a clue
my honey, my baby, 'bout what i should do
there's too much pressure that i put on you
i don't want you to drown in my sorrow

my mother, my father, i'm glad that you tried
my mother, my savior, you helped me survive
but i still can't escape days where i want to die
i guess i'll just be seeing you soon
Track Name: My Apartment Room
we're dancing out upon our dreams
a path to our new way of life
we're singing loud and no one dares
break our balls on who's wrong or right
and i look at You like i'm forgiven
for all my past mistakes
and You see me as You see Yourself
A Woman Out on the Ledge

She burns like flags against the sky
Her hazel eyes flaring so bright
we missed our cues, feel trapped, abused
but our hearts still beating in time
we're torn like brothers in war
i feel something stuck in my throat
always stuck in a constant flux
of action or just another smoke

oh aint no wonder
that i cant see through the fog
i hope you can find your way back to
my apartment room someday
Track Name: Bedfull of Seals
i sleep on a bed full of nails
i wake up with the cold and the sweats
if i don't find something good, i'm gonna fill my lungs with soot
take a trip back east so I can finally live

I can't sit at home when i'm around you
your eyes put everything I do on stage
my wings they crack and ache as the whistle blows today
I gotta walk down this ancient lonely road

i wanna live
once you got yourself into my head
but there's pattern to my insanity
the man who needs it most is not a man

the sun hits my eyes and it alarms me
I fell asleep as the opium kicked in
goddamn I wanna die, so I stare up at the sky
my scattered brains look good outside my head
Track Name: Freedom Breeds
A raise a day won't keep the doctor away
I'm lying awake waiting to be put to rest
Stay militant to all their liberal ways
Strapped to bike locks, we'll be in our bulletproof vest

Compromise is a good way to die
Feeding false hope to all of the girls and the boys
We'll still be marching forward flags in hand
To keep capital at bay

The only thing that I had to learn was gone
The minute I met you
I am no longer afraid to die
These barricades are a symbol
Of a world we never knew
So cheers to finding out
What it's all about
So raise a glass high
For what lies after the fight
We can finally build a world where freedom breeds