I'm Perfect (The Lost Album)

by derek millner

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about

There are a lot of things on my mind recently, but I guess I've never been more sane, more content, more satisfied with the way I've been living. After being an addict, I relapsed on opiates, but I left for Thailand and got to experience an entirely different way of life. The alternative surprised me, it inspired me, it keeps me feeling so blessed to be alive without any religion or creed to spread out to others. Life is a constant journey full of the ups and downs and when shit gets sad, depressing, inescapable, it's nice to have an outlet to vent. Whether or not music changes anything or not, I'm glad I get to connect with the people I connect with.
This album is NOT a reflection of how I feel at the moment. Sadness is just the only inspiration that causes me to stay up for hours at a time, writing until the feeling escapes me.

Stay tuned though. I've recently understood how to make music with people, without having to dip into that reserve. Imagine: music without tragedy, only creativity.

credits

released May 21, 2016

Eric Miller: vocals, guitar, bass, drums
Martyn Provensen: production, mastering, mixing
Katia Innis, Haley Pinney, Aidan Dugan-Culton, Abigail Adrianse, Tanner Hixon: Moral support
Katia Innis: album artist

Also, all my friends and supporters who had to wait 5 or 6 months for an album that was more or less never gonna happen. This is my first album with songs I actually enjoy and continue to play, even to myself. Thanks, y'all!

tags

license

all rights reserved
Track Name: Freight Train Heart
Oh you you got a freight train heart
Nothin holds you back
A locomotive off the track
I can hear your train whistle blow
I ain’t movin off the rails you can take me down
But It’s my decision now

Oh I, I’m in the passenger seat
I hope these trax decompose
so I can strike out on my own
I’m going out of my head, and into my body
I’ve shoveled all my coal
To fill up this empty hole

Oh please don’t say goodbye
For these last few miles
I’ll change up my direction, won’t resemble my reflection
Just open your eyes and see past the mess I made of me

Still I, I’ve got a one track mind
I can’t stop myself from thinking
About you, like that, tonight
Oh you swing and you sway
You got me to my knees
I’m begging, “Please,
I can do more than just tease you.”

Oh please don’t say goodbye
Oh please don’t say goodbye
Oh please don’t say goodbye
Or I’ll swear on yours and mine
That we can make it all worthwhile
Track Name: Jealousy
Look out it's the road comin' down from the back of the line
The horizon stretches further, but I can't see mine
I'm passing all these people, brake lights they shine
I hope they stop just in time

Oh girl, I hate his guts but I can't stay mad
I'll give him a second chance, they won't be all that bad
I'd rather see you die than kiss him back
But I hope this world'll slip to black

We'll both find someone new to break off how I feel
I know you've found a what's-his-face by now
When it's time to stop the show, I'll be in the back row
Hand in hand with I can't quite figure out
Hand in hand with someone I know by now
Hand in hand with a good girl I've found
Track Name: Collapsing Stars (The Mountain Goats)
When we hid out behind the risers at the high school
Making bitter calculations with a slide rule
The grim particulars of poisoning the swimming
Well you looked me in the eye
Ready to die
We were becoming what we are
Collapsing Stars

Well we chewed up d-dextromorphon pills like bubblegum
Till our hearts were beating deep and rich as kettle drums
I knew that if we waited long enough the change would come
And then the change did come
Hold tight, hold fast
Catch lightning in a jar

I told you to load up on provisions
Cuz we wouldn't be back for awhile
Put all your troubles in your old kit bag
Turn toward the camera, and smile smile smile

When we ditched our plans to poison all our enemies
Tucked our weapons in a clearing and covered them with leaves
Oh we are gonna come rejoicing bringing in the sheaves one day, and we are on our way
You can look
But you won't find
Another love like ours
Collapsing Stars
Track Name: Dimestore Love
I'm just a dimestore love
Oh, I'm just a dimestore love
If you can't find a use than someone else could
Oh, I'm just a dimestore love

I's broken before you took me home
I was broken before you took me home
You can leave me on the empty shelves all alone
I's broken before you took me home

I'm a cheap and used, mass produced
Waste of foreign labor
My hometown's shut down

With my thrift store kiss and selfishness
That eats up my insides
Take me back to your place

I'm just a dimestore love
Oh, I'm just a dimestore love
If you can't find a use than someone else could
Oh, I'm just a dimestore love
Track Name: fuck my lonely
kill my sadness, fuck my lonely
scream and yell, "just please abuse me,
"I deserve to be loved,
"I wanna feel alive,
"my poor dreams are never enough,
"Oh, spread my legs and fly."

Oh, burning buildings, barricades
Oh, nurse the wounds with novacaine
Oh, kiss my bleeding knees
Oh, hold me through the night
Your eyes are blazing fire
We'll make it here all right

I wanted to end this lonesome life
With a dagger of my choice
Tourniquet and burnt black spoon
Will muffle my screaming voice
This pain's just too much to bear
Help me to fall out of line
Before these vampires
Steal every ounce of life
Track Name: Disconnection
Disconnection:
Look at these people, they all in a line
Get married, get buried, repeat all the time
I see their faces, but, oh, I don't feel a bond
I've been planning out hour, oh days of the week
But when I go see them we're all taking leaks
My friends, my friends, my friends, just leave me alone
I don't wanna drink, no I'm not like my brother
If you want to love me, I'll act like my father,
I'll use you, abuse you, or maybe I'll just go mad
If you take this chance, for just one more dance
I'll hopefully fool you, you'll think I'm a man
We'll both grow distant, apart, but I'll just grow sad, so I'll sing;
Disconnection

You'll think that it's love but to me it's just sex
Your heart will break through me, turn me to a mess
We can sit and chat or just take off all our clothes
Well, for me, for me, it's only the latter
None of this bullshit has ever mattered
I know you'll scream, you'll scream, "you'll end up alone!"

And I can't see
An in between
Of feeling alone
Or feeling
Disconnected
Track Name: I'm Perfect
I flirt with death and all it's curses
Casting second glances
On a casket
Fit for me and all my many masks

This facade is shaving carefully
Against the grain so gently
A wicked weapon of deception
That keeps me in your periphery

I'm perfect

I'd rather than let you in
Cut myself off from all my friends
Their happiness is too expensive
For a man like me to give

I'm counting endless hours off like sheep
As I just try to get some sleep
Just hoping that you will talk to me
Why wouldn't you want to talk to me

I'm perfect

I'll tell you everything you need to hear
the endless conversation in the mirror
I'll be the straw, the paper, eternal fire
The darkest heart of man
The one that you desire

I'm perfect

You'll never see the flaws that I keep inside
You'll never hear my pain
As my heart beats, it dies
Track Name: Out of the Letter 'L'
She burnt down my fuckin house
And set my soul on fire
But her hold upon my heart is a vice grip
She said she would treat me right
And now calls me the liar
But that don’t mean that I am innocent

Oh she bites, oh she screams, oh she scrapes
Out of lust
Oh she fights, she bleeds, she hates
Out of love

There’s madness in our broken home
That takes flight as hope
But I can’t shake how I still wanna die
She wonders ‘bout my troubled past
And wrangles it with rope
Kissing down my neck, as tears fill my eyes

Oh she bites, oh she screams, oh she scrapes
Out of lust
Oh she fights, she bleeds, she hates
Out of love
Love
Love
Track Name: Skellington Blues
Well, I am just a shadow of a man
With broken, busted, bruised up bones that clatter
Up inside My bed

Oh, I give you an illusion of myself
To keep you from looking inside and mocking
My poor skellington

All joking aside,
the silence burns into my eyes
I'm still ashamed
Of what my past beholds

My body whethers away
But don't be frightened
There's new flesh painted on
These fragile bones

My broken heart, it rattles in my ribcage
My burning love, it swells with so much hate
Your magic touch, sends shivers through my spine

kiss me, kill me
hell abuse me
save me from this
borish, strip mined state